My vagina just recognized that song.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
