i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
