I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
