Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
