pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
