Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
