ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sober January is a disaster.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
