yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
