I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
