I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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