Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
