New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
