I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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