So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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