you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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