Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
