remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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