I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
