Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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