i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
