Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
