I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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