Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
