It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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