Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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