hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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