I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
