just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
