Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
