I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
