you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
