Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
