Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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