Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
