whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
