I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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