we're blogging at a bar
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
