Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my being single is dangerous.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
