ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
