i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All I want is dick and wine.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
