Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
