Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
