Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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