My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
