so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
