Your dad touched me again.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
