if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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