she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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