bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
