Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You are the jesus of drinking
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
