Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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