i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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