walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
