the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
