but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
